I have been so, so very wrong.
I admit, I laughed at your expense when I heard your unfortunate rough draft of a nickname. I mocked your demands to return to a kinder, more wholesome America, which you gently delivered via angry screaming, insulting mockery, and marginalization of the masses. I rebelled against your message of racism, classism, sexism, and homophobia...ism. I laughed at your protest signs, lovingly misspelled and held upside down with startling regularity.
But then, you all blew my mind! Sarah Palin backed you all! I mean, SARAH PALIN. She represents all of real America and their values, and she can't be lying, because she's hot and sounds all folksy. Suddenly I had to reevaluate my ideas. Literacy tests? Sure, I can see that. No health care reform? Those environmentalists are always complaining about overpopulation anyway. Reduce taxes and the deficit at the same time? Hey, I never saw the point of math anyway. I would specify the rest of your platform if it was in any way clear, but I'm sure that whatever you all decide will be just fine.
I just have one request. You wisely chose a major symbol of rebellion and Americanism as the title of your movement. Let's all meet at the site of the event. Come to Boston and hold a Tea Party Rally. I have no doubt that the fervor of your speeches and the inflexibility of your beliefs will win over the locals. If that doesn't work, trot out Palin in her Naughty Monkey shoes. Just make sure you line the toilets with paper. I hear that's how you catch the gay.